Two bad days
I've had 2 bad days, there have been worse, of course, but these have to be in the top 10 in my Nursing school experience.
From Friday to Monday I did almost nothing else but study. I normally cram hard a day or 2 before a test and get As and Bs on them, but this time I wanted to make a really good grade on some exceptionally hard material. So from morning to bedtime, I studied for 4 days straight. I made notecards, took practice quizzes, took practice critical thinking essays.....Everything I could possibly do. I had to take breaks of course, with a 4 yr old, you have to but I mostly studied. So...Monday night, the night before the test, I studied, got all my stuff together for morning, checked and double checked my alarm clocks (I set 2, My radio alarm and my cell phone) and went to bed around midnight (kinda early for me).
Tuesday morning I wake up at 9 am. The test was at 8.
Ari is in the living room watching cartoons. I ask in tears, "Ari, did you turn off Momma's alarm?" "Yes " She replies. "Baby, you know we have school today" She innocently replies "I wanted you to sleep." Still in tears I tell her to get dressed as I am getting dressed. I got her to school at 9:10, I got to my school at 9:45.
I walked straight to my Nursing coordinator's office (she also happens to be the overall Nursing program director) and again, start crying again. I look like crap, no shower, I hadn't washed my hair, no coffee, I'm breaking out and not wearing any make-up.
She tells me this test counts as my drop. (we can drop just 1 test, the lowest this semester) I convinced her to let me take the test anyway just to see how I would've done and she agrees on account it would help me on my final. It doesn't count towards my grade. I take that Monday. I know it won't count, and I'm not in trouble but I REALLY, REALLY would have aced that test had I made it there. I could have dropped the Test 1= B and had a high A average instead. I studied so damn hard. I'm very disappointed in myself. And so it wouldn't happen again, yesterday night I moved my loudest alarm, my radio alarm to the top of my armoire very high out of the 4 year old's reach. It woke me up fine this morning.
Today was another story. I mentioned in another entry how I've been having trouble organizing my clinical schedule to work with Ari's pre-K schedule. I HAD found a way that worked until today. Ari starts Pre-K a half an hour later then the rest of the school. After a dozen phone calls I found a daycare that not only opens early (6:30) but can also take her to school for me. The last 2 semesters, clinicals started between 6:45 or 7 but this semester, they decided we all need to be there and starting at 6:30. It was Ok in Pedi because I talked to my instructor about it, she was really understanding and sometimes I even made it there before she did. Today was my OB orientation. This instructor seems unwilling and seemed pretty upset when I mentioned the possibility of me getting there late. Even after I explained the entire situation. (I have no family in town, my friends work early, there is no daycare anywhere that takes your kids at 6am AND will take them to school). Just after our conversation, a classmate who overheard my worries said there is a possibility that she could get her 18 year old daughter to do it as she needs the extra money. She told me she'd talk to her tonight and get back to me. My instructor is reluctantly allowing me to be late tomorrow. (Did I mention that parking for students at the hospital is 3 city blocks away from the hospital!) I'm going to be having asthma attacks by the time I get there since I'll be running! So I hope this thing with her daughter works out.
The worst of the worst of these 2 days was yesterday night when Mom called from Houston. MD Anderson has turned my stepdad, Jerry away. There is nothing they can do for him. His tumor is sitting right next to his carotid artery and no surgeon will touch it. Jerry wants to try an oncologist in Waco as he was told chemo may shrink the tumor and give him more time. I spoke to my mom last night. She says she has to follow Jerry's wishes. I told her that she really needs to speak to Jerry and ask him how he wants to spend the rest of his time. I really think that Chemo will hasten his death like it did for Mike instead of giving him more time. I think in any case, I would be surprised if he made it until Christmas based on the condition he is now. But she's right, she must follow his wishes, and she doesn't want him to go any more then he wants to. I think the oncologist they see will probably tell them the same, and start Hospice in the works.