Coffee & Conversation in a smoky room
A Clinic RN and a Single Mom blogging through the depths of sanity. My life as I know it started with coffee and conversation in a smoky room. This is where I'm at now.
May 22, 2005
I didn't sleep last night. Mostly because I slept so long yesterday. I fell asleep Friday night and after what felt like 30 minutes, I woke up and discovered that I had slept 13 hours and it was 3 in the afternoon. Ari's at my mom's and I'll be leaving to pick her up in 3 hours. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I've hit the 24 hour mark before and usually about then is when I get a second wind. I'll have a nap with Ari this afternoon and go to bed nice and early. I have to go to orientation tomorrow for my Mental Health course. I'm sort of looking forward to it after dreading it for so long. It will be a nice change of pace from our usual studies. Although I do harbor the fear that by the end of it, I may be no longer be the nurse but the patient.
I feel like I've truly been losing my mind these past 2 weeks. I wasted them! I was off from school and work and I had so many plans and projects. I did nothing! I watched a lot of movies and slept a lot. I did take Ari to Sea World the first Friday but that was only initiated by the in laws. Had they not paid for it, I doubt we would have gone.
I've started having these weird little attacks. They are like panic attacks that you hear about but not with all the symptoms of one. Have you ever had that feeling like you are somewhere dark and creepy alone and you feel like someone's watching you but you know nobody's there? Or a feeling of impending doom? They are kind of like that. Since Mike died, I've lived with the fear that something could happen to me. But I don't fear dying, but rather I fear being incapacitated somehow and being unable to care for Ari. I fear FOR Ari if she were to be made an orphan.
Anyway, enough of that talk, I'll leave you with a funny story.
A couple nights ago, I noticed my neighbors got 2 roosters. (They are from Mexico and sometimes do Old-world type things) I noticed the roosters because they cock-a-doodle-dooed all day and I discovered the 2 birds sleeping our adjacent fence that night. My dog Darcy kept trying to jump up and get them but I yelled at her to leave them alone and she did. The next morning, Ari and I are jolted awake by our door bell ringing. The first thing I do when someone's at the door and Darcy's barking her head off is make her go out the back door. BIG mistake. The door bell was my neighbor's trying to tell me the roosters were in my back yard and the gate was locked. Well, the next few minutes was me chasing dog chasing rooster, calming Ari who's in hysterics (apparently she's afraid of roosters), yelling in broken bad (mucho mal) Spanish to my neighbors to please catch the chickens while I corner the dog, who, by the way, had chased one of them into my house! One rooster caught, kid calmed down, Me and neighbor go into house(filthy dirty by the way) to commence searching for hidden rooster. Found it hiding next to my bed in the bedroom. It did end OK.....Darcy almost killed them but didn't, there are feathers all over my back yard, Ari wouldn't eat any chicken for dinner that night, and my neighbors know how to say " I'm very sorry, these chickens are too big!" in English.
That was my Friday wake up call.
May 9, 2005
I really don't know what to do with my time. All weekend long, I did absolutely nothing. I slept a lot and I watched a lot of movies. Friday was kind of tough, It would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. Mother's day was good though. Mom had Ari this weekend so we met for lunch, and Ari bought me flowers and chocolate. (Papa Jerry loaned Ari the money) She picked out these bright Pink and blue daisies, they're so cute.
As for the rest of the week, I have no idea what I'll do with my time. Today I need to take Ari to Gymnastics, and then stop at the macaroni grill after for a little baby shower for a classmate. I need to go to the store beforehand to find a gift for her as well. She's moving out of state so I won't get a chance to say good-bye before she leaves. So I have enough to do today.
I've been slow moving this morning, can't get moving for some reason. I must go force myself to take a shower and get dressed now. I have got to pick up some shifts these next 2 weeks, I can't keep this up!